Well, here we are… my last weekend of freedom before the big surgery.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. Not so much of the surgery itself — I’ll be unconscious for that, and I have great confidence in my surgeons and the whole medical team. It’s what I might wake up to find… what recovery might involve… that has me scared. It’s the total helplessness of not being able to work, not being able to drive, spending day after day at home knowing my biggest challenge will be going up and down stairs (and being so sick I’m actually scared to attempt it.) I would do just about anything not to have to go through this, to be able to fast-forward to November when — God willing and all goes well — things should be pretty much back to normal.
But it looks like the fast-forward is not to be. This time around healing will not come miraculously but the old-fashioned way: I’m going to have to work for it.
But I have confidence too. I’ve been blessed with a body that works well and bounces back quickly. I already know what it’s like to have surgery done through my nose (did that earlier this year) and I know I can handle that kind of discomfort. I know I have the best doctors in the city, probably some of the best in the country, for this particular kind of surgery. All the medical personnel and staff I’ve met at UPMC-Presbyterian have been top-notch. And above all, people around the city and in various parts of the nation and the world are lifting me in prayer. I can feel the power of those prayers. Even during the tough times when I can’t figure out what to say to God, I can at least say to Him “please listen to the folks who are talking to You about me”. And I’m confident that God has something in mind for all this, a purpose I don’t yet see clearly.
Keep those prayers going! And I’ll see you all on the other side.
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For those who are interested, here’s what UPMC-Presby has to say about my condition and “part 1” of the two-part surgery I’ll be having: CSF Leaks
And for those who would like to visit, visitor’s hours and information: Visitors
Just remember, if you go and have your head operated on, and come out of it with perfect brain function, which is to be expected, but one leg is shorter than the other, God may be trying to tell you something. Trust in God.
LOL!! Thanks Dave. See you on the far side!
I always said you needed to have your head examined! If you had listened to me 20 years ago, you might not need this surgery today!!
Seriously, the worst thing that can happen is that you wake up in the arms of Jesus!! As you know, I have had my health challenges the last few years and have come face-to-face with my own mortality and the possibility of having my physical abilities decreased as the cancer increases. I know that you will do what I have done – place all you trust in the One who loves us more than we can possibly imagine and who will be there every step of the difficult way.
Another thought – facing these health challenges focuses us more on the future when our frail bodies will be replaced with bodies like His and these infirmities will be a distant memory. For this perspective (and all the others gained from life’s challenges) I can honestly say that I am thankful to the Lord!
Funny how my old friends have been saying that lately! I told my high school music teacher “they found holes in my head” and he said “they only now discovered that?!?!”
Hmph. 😉
You’re spot on though. It’s amazing how an experience like this is a solid reminder of one’s mortality. Even though I expect to make it through fine and eventually get back to normal (or as close to normal as I get) in a way it’s a dry run for the inevitable. I know now with greater certainty that there will come a day when the doctors won’t have an answer, when my days will be numbered in such a way that I can actually count them. I heard an interesting quote from a 9/11 WTC survivor on TV the other night: something along the lines of “when I felt the plane hit, and knew this might be the end of my life, I realized I didn’t like what I was doing with my life, what my final thoughts were. It changed my values. I went back to school and became a nurse.” In a way I can feel some of the same changes coming on in my life. The time I have left on this planet is limited and I need to make the most of it… and I will need God’s help to do that. I have a lot of bad habits to break, and better ones to form!
And I agree, I’m starting to see how putting off this “mortal coil” will be the laying down of a burden, like it says in the old gospel song: “glory, glory, hallelujah, gonna lay my burdens down…” Lots to do till then though!
Thanks for sharing. More to come. 😉
HAH! You never listen to a thing I say! Did I not mention “Falling Upward” to you? It’s when you confront loss or other difficulties that you can enter the second part of your life and lay down the burdens of climbing and overload and begin to pare down and clarify.
You don’t worry about what color are the alter cloths, you just pray that Jesus is around.
Notice how I wait till you’re down to start giving lectures? Smart. Old.
Yeah I have noticed that, LOL Besides, “upward” is hardly the direction I feel like I’ve been falling the past couple weeks!
And on top of all that I’ve never been particularly troubled by the color of altar cloths… or even the presence of altar cloths… 😉